Aristotle and a 50k dropout

  Last month, due to multiple injuries that pumped the brakes on my training  (IT Band and hamstring mostly), I made the decision to drop out of the 50k I had planned for May 10th. It wasn't necessarily a difficult decision, because when you can't run more than a mile without intense pain running a 30+ mile race on hilly terrain is simply out of the question.

        I would be lying though if I were to say that I didn't persistently train in a state of denial, and denial being the brother of stubbornness, for me has always been strong.  My first idea, as ludicrous as it sounds, was that I should continue to run through the pain, and perhaps my leg would adapt to the new reality, and heal itself through movement.  I do not recommend this method, though I take pride somewhat in the amount of physical pain I can endure during intense exercise, this was not pain, it was injury and to an extent that I am limited in my ability to describe.

I felt two things in my left leg with every step: 1) As if a hand wrapped around my hamstring and were pulling it away from my leg behind me, and 2) my IT Band (the tendon that runs along the outside of the knee) clicked against my bone like a plucked string in an instrument, sending a vibration of pain down my knee, ankle and foot.

What happened?  Well, I'm sure there are a lot of things that went into it.  Form wasn't much of an issue, since that was something I had been working on for over 2 years at that point (and the only thing left being slouched shoulders when I'm tired).  I assume it was a healthy mixture of too much too soon, neglecting strength training, and biting off a tad more than I could chew.  In regards to the last point, I would much rather do that than timidly approach an easily attainable goal.

So here I was, unable to run for any meaningful amount of time, so what do I do?

I'm convinced that the depression that comes with physical injury is evolutionary as well as metaphysical.  Evolutionary in a sense that for most of our existence a leg injury that kept us from running meant no hunting and no food.  Metaphysical because we do not have a body we are a body, when a limb is injured so is the mind.

Aristotle believed that physical "arete" or excellence was to be approached with a careful balance and was just as important as excellence of the mind.  And for fear of sounding haughty, excellence in this context means the best version of yourself.  Therefore, my individual arete may be miles behind yours, but as long as I'm focused on the betterment of myself, Aristotle would say that I am in accord with "eudaimonia" or ultimate happiness.

        This is something that I had forgotten in my 50k pursuit.  It became less about me developing as an individual to the greatest version of myself, and more about illusory pride and arrogance.

        Exercise quit being a journey and became a struggle.  A struggle to stay motivated, lug the miles, eat the food, repeat.

        So ultimately I am glad for my injury.  Not only because it forced me to rest, but because it reintroduced me to strength training, yoga and plyometrics.  I feel stronger and more able now than when I could run 10+ miles back-to-back.

        The pursuit of arete is exactly that, a pursuit, the following of your inner excellence.  What I am enjoying most right now, is what the constant challenge of the pursuit teaches me about myself.


Notes
Aristotle, "Nicomachean Ethics"

The Meaningless Life

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
--Alan Watts

For a little over three years now I've done amateur studies in Eastern Philosophy, mostly the works of Alan Watts (trying to read the ancient text, like most ancient manuscripts, felt like swimming through quicksand).  But the interpreters of this philosophy, such as Watts, Nhat-Hanh and others, have helped me to overcome some of the dark places in life that often plague people who "think too much."  And it was the idea of the meaningless life that intrigued me.

For most of us in Western society we've been trained to believe that we must find our purpose, or meaning. That some people are laborers, others are lawyers and doctors, etc.  Somehow, we are all predestined for a singular goal.

Obviously, this is an absurd quest that is doomed to failure and heartache.  I think of Camus' Myth of Sisyphus when he describes the means replacing the end.  When we say we've found our purpose in life, what we mean is that we've found what it is that makes us happy, and calling it our "purpose" alleviates the uncertainty, and convinces us that the time we spend doing it is not in vain.

It is an illusory concept.  Because when we are constantly searching for our "meaning," we're searching for an idea, and as Aeschylus said, we "lose substance while grasping for the shadows."

And I know there are many who say this viewpoint is selfish, and that nothing would be accomplished if everyone believed this way or felt this way.  I would simply ask, what is accomplished by living a life you don't enjoy?  What is so scary about opening yourself to the infinite possibilities and joys of existence, rather than pigeonholing yourself to a fate that is beyond you?

Is my current job something that inspires me?  I would say no.  I enjoy the people I work with immensely and that helps quite a bit, but at this moment it is my reality. Happiness is a choice, as is frustration.  Seeing life as meaningless doesn't change what you do or who you are, it changes how you see what you do, and allows you to be who you are without judgement or pressure.

Why do I write?  Why do I play music?  Why do I take random mountain-climbing trips and read history books that some would consider as punishment?

Because I love those things.

Forget the idea that you need a reason, what you love doesn't have to be labeled with a purpose or meaning or end-goal.  They are you, that's IT.

The quickest way to ruin what makes you happy?  Over-analyze it, judge it, and try to make sense of it.

When we shed the mask and live a life without expectation (from within or without), we begin to live in the moment. Because living a meaningless life doesn't make you stop caring for others or keep you from doing something good or beneficial for others, it shows you that everything is your meaning, your ARE existence:

Do what you love, all of it.